I have failed to be a healer.
My journey to heal should make me more aware of others’ pain. I should be tuned to the frequency of wrestling with God over pains suffered. Dilemmas of bad relationships, where friends love their companions and hate the way they are treated, should be an opportunity to offer hope. Consternation over diseases that refuse to be healed should present a time to mourn together. I should be comfortable sitting in the dark with another while they search their way to God’s light.
Ahh, but here is the truth, I am tuned to the pain. I do see the wrestling. I do feel the fear and know the dilemmas.
And yet I run…
Why do I withdraw my words, my presence, from their fight?
To be present in someone else’s pain causes me to:
- Fear that remembering my own pain and the long process of healing will drag me back into my own mire
- Fear that I am not enough to help them
- Fear that I will be rejected because I say the wrong thing at the wrong time
- Fear that God won’t show up like I promise them
Notice a theme?
FEAR – the real enemy to healing, for myself and also for someone else.
I withdraw because I can’t control the outcome of their wounds. I can’t make evil stop. I can’t choose their path. I can’t stop the wounds from being created and I can’t make healing happen!
I can only partner with Christ in another’s journey. I have to admit and cling to my limited ability to make the pain stop and move a friend forward.
I Am Limited ~ Loved by an Unlimited God.
To face their pain is to face mine too. To stay present with them means I must be present and comfortable with mine. Comfortable enough that my pain makes me aware of theirs yet doesn’t take over and dominate our friendship. I give them room to feel, to wrestle with scripture, to search out the heart of God for their specific wound.
If I don’t run away from their hearts ~ I demonstrate how Christ does not run
If I don’t fear their pain ~ I show how Christ doesn’t fear their pain but KNOWS it.
If I teach them how to wrestle with God’s truths for them ~ I show how our Father understands that we are a people of process.
To love them in their present circumstance is what allows them to stand before God in their present circumstance.
- To listen well,
- to pray them into His Presence,
- to be comfortable with silence, with hot and angry tears,
- to know that Christ sits with us, that he too is weeping and angry and sorrowful
Ahh, here is where Christ enters their journey, when I am present enough in my own.
When by faith I rest in his presence, another sister can sit there too.
When I proclaim in the quiet of my heart the confidence of Him, I lead another to his throne and to his cross.
And that is when I become Healer – when I get out of my own control and sit before Him.
I changed today. I confessed today, to my friend. I have failed you, I wasn’t brave enough to sit with you in this pain. I wanted to save you, but you are not mine to save ~ you are my friend to love!
And so I choose to BE. I choose to be brave and stop running!
- Friendship in the valley: 8 things our hurting friends want us to know (jenniferebenhack.com)